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Kiya said:
I don't want to tell her how badly i have messed up everything.


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((((((((((((((kiya)))))))))))))))

Instead of thinking of it as "messing up everything", can you think of it as something to learn from? Like...."when T is gone, I need to have some extra coping mechanisms lined up" or whataver? And then this T vacation can help you to look ahead to August and prepare and know what you need to do?

I fell off the wagon BIG TIME with my eating and cutting, so I really understand how you are feeling.

Maybe we can both think of this as "something to learn from" and we can report back to each other what we learned. PC homework!