Trigger icon applied for discussion of abusive behavior.

((Angel))

I went through a very bad period with my partner, where he started drinking and seeing another woman in secret. After many years together, I was totally surprised to find myself in the middle of a situation that made absolutely no sense.

I've always thought I was a strong woman, but that whole experience really shook my faith in myself.

I don't know if it is applicable or not for you -- but one of the things that really helped me was learning about 'crazy-making'. I learned that abusive people will often create such an atmosphere of chaos that the other person literally feels like they are going crazy.

One moment they pull you in, the next push you away with anger. When you really care for that person, it can make you think it is your fault, or that you did something wrong. It can also make you feel like you are going crazy.

It is a control mechanism, because as long as you don't feel strong in yourself, you won't leave.

It really helped me to understand that I was not going crazy, and that it is totally normal to feel like I was.

I don't know if this helps. If you want to PM me or chat -- please feel free.
Anyway I can help you through this difficult time...just holler.

My heart goes out to you!