Thanks everybody for these answers. It helps so much, human response when you need it!
destraction, yeah, taking the actions, just for a moment at a time, just to break the grip of that energy...and the encouragtement to keep sharing, so helpful, then being able to relate to a better relationship than the one going on inside me, that helps and I got through the day abstinent. I think it was being able to reach out for human help and to recieve it that was so healthy for me.

Mouse, yeah, its an interesting and difficult journey at times .... I read your other post, theres some paralels as you say, isnt it wierd when those feelings overwhelm.... and then with me, its like its only a memory when they've subsided. And I think maybe I imagined all that, but then, is not only myself, I know others who have been so much worse affected than me, and its like if I dont believe myself, that I can be so affected, well others validate me. .......

I feel healthily exhausted now.