I've been having this question going over and over in my mind...I wanted to ask T if she were to see me in the street compared to a complete stranger, would she say hi? I then asked myself what would T say to that question? Perhaps she would say, "what would my saying hi to you and not to a stranger mean to you?" because of course I know T never gets drawn into sentimentilisim, and I knew what I was trying to work out was, could someone else be the bottom of the pile rather than me? but then I realised T doesn't like people in any particular order, there doesnt have to be a bottom of a pile because there isn't a favourite, but growing up I always felt like that, bottom of the pile and have tried to ever since become a favorite to someone, anyone....its hard to understand that to be genuine to everyone in your life is much better then being someones favorite because you could always full from grace when favorites and not so favorites are concerned..that to be genuine toward someone doesn't mean one thing or the other, it just is...still part of me still thinks but I'm loosing something that way...its going to take a long while to realise that who I am and how I am doesn't depend on someone elses appraisal of me....