It's hard to be positive, especially when I'm stuck in bed, I'm in pain, my body is telling me I need drugs and I'm having too much trouble talking IRL Makes me feel alone. One of them, one of the ones who used to be my friend, sent me an e-mail last night and it scares me. I swear, I try to be positive and then something reminds me of all my reasons not to be positive.

Hard to trust and be positive, every person I know, I always think "does this person hate me?". I guess with the way my 'friends' are all acting towards me / acted to me it, it shines a light of doubt over everyone I know. Really struggling with blame, voices in my head tell me one thing, people tell me another. Then I still brush it off with pretending I'm fine.

Took a big step my asking Kate to, once the pain goes and I can get out of bed, help me find a therapist. Ahhh

Okay, vent over. Trying to be positive and trying not the whine about all the &*%$ on my mind.