What I think is happening is similar to what I go through when I kick one behavior and replace it with another. What is the term for this? Symptom substitution? or something like that.

Has the finance issue picked up steam since you stopped SI'ing? I know you've had the finance issue before but does it wax and wane?

For me, its chocolate, spending, sex, taking more of prescribed drugs, internet use..etc.

I have a very difficult time stopping any of this for long. It also must be difficult paying for therapy completely on your own without insurance. I know I couldn't swing it myself. Lately I've been seeing T twice a week to get through some tough stuff but if I didn't have insurance, my husband and I would be fighting endlessly over it.

I'm not sure what advice to offer since I have similar addictive cycles going on but I understand how hopeless you feel right now. I also know that you will work it out because no one gets to where you are in your career without having the motivation,k brains and logic to get there!!

Hang in there Pink, tomorrow is a new day