hey
the alter who drinks will not let me throw out the bottles. i did however up the rx dosage to try and curb the switching. it's past noon and we've not had a drink yet, so this is a small step.
i dunno if i can tell md. a. it depends on "who" shows up to do the talking, as well as if i get censored or not from within. but also md is trying so hard to heal me... that i feel like a total fraud and feel like saying "an alter is drinking" is but an excuse. sadly, an excuse who functions and moves on her own without me. No, i didn't just call YOU an excuse, miss host. Now i have upset the system.
I really REALLY wish i had cancelled my monday morning apnt. i just can't face going. but if i don't go i still have to pay. so i guess i'm going. this is the first ever apnt with md i have not wanted to go to - like serious wish i had cancelled. not fear, not panic, .... plain DREAD. Because i have f'ed up so badly.