There has been a hell of a lot of stuff going on around here lately, I haven't been on because of it....all the bs. My self esteem has hit rock bottom, I feel like a hoodrat. Like a toothless, uneducated, redneck. Like the trashy people you see on Jerry Springer.

I have betrayed my best friend, my husband, and my young children, for something less than love and something more then lust. For something I cannot myself explain nor understand. We're all aware of the affair I have been having. Ya'll know the basics.

Brief over the situation is I have been cheating on my husband and seeing my best friends husbands. They are separated but still legally married. They have children together, my husband and I have children together. I've literally exhausted myself doing the things I have been doing. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.

The truth was revealed to my husband and my best friend. My husband is begging for me to stay and my best friend despises me. I guarantee I'll awake to slashed tires soon, I'm waiting for the day. The truth was revealed because I was tired of lying all the time to be with my lover. He was also tired of his wife (my best friend) begging for him to come back to her. We were both tired of sneaking around. Now the %#@&#! has hit the fan...literally.

I'm in the middle of this all....all my doing, I have corrupted everything.

I'm not sure what to do either. Either I sacrifice everything I worked for these last couple years to be with a man who doesn't even have a license or a car, or be with my husband who treats me like I am %#@&#! to him. There is no fixing my friendships.

I don't know what to do anymore.