You're the opposite of a failure- you dared to open up and that takes courage!! You could try letting all the negative out in a journal, just get it all out in there, write away everything you feel don't take the time to write perfectly just write write write and keep the journal with you wherever you go. then you can keep yourself positive with certain people, and try to develop real close friends where you can be completely honest just use discernment. The way you write, I can sense you took lemons and made lemonade- a bad childhood turned into new courage. Write down any tools you can use to keep your feelings in control while not denying the bad feelings, all feelings are human.