My thoughts are that you are considering doing something that could be potentially dangerous to yourself and my heart goes out to you. Times like these are so very hard and I only wish I could be there to hold your hand and help you. Please know that even if I was standing beside you on the street I wouldn't know you but just because of who I am... I care about you and I love you. Not unhealthy love but friendly love and I'm here if you want to share some of your life or stories. Please be safe and love yourself.