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jinnyann said:
((((((((((Muffy))))))))))))))))

I know you have my best interests at heart because you are a kind soul .... i'm just so confused ... i know i go on about it, but it is a big issue in my life .... i didn't know you were separated, I'm glad you are happier and did the right thing for you .... i just dont know, this is the problem ... i love him. i know he loves me .... is this marriage? Do we just put up with the little bit of bad when the rest is good? Or .....

sigh, confuzzled ....... jin

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Jinny I feel you just answered your own question in that last part you said. Marraiges have their ups and downs. I've been there too. I feel that if you still love eachother then yes, you can put up with the the things that come up in life as long as there is more good to the marraige than bad. God only knows I've had the ups and downs in mine, but I set a goal for myself to work hard in therapy to get myself on track plus we went to marraige therapy at the same time. Its been a long haul, just over 5 yrs of individual therapy for me. And then there was a year and a half of marraige therapy. If your commited to making things work, then stay commited. That will be your focus. I've made my mistakes , I've paid for them. I am determined to be happy now and make things work in my life. And not give up on myself or the man I love. I know how hard this is for you. I really really do. I think the one thing you need to do is sit down with your hubby and have a good heart to heart and figure out if this is what you both want and then work towards that. We'll be married 19 yrs coming up in November, and making the choice of sticking with him and us, is the best thing I've ever done. I cant say whether its right for you or anyone else. But I know now that he was the best thing that ever came along in my life. And what I can see of your hubby, I think he is that for you too. You just need to figure it out for yourself. Being focused on what you want out of life is going to help you alot. Its going to give you goals to look forward and work toward. Dont sell yourself short or your hubby. And also I have to agree with the others that most men just arent good at demonstrative love. Thats the one thing that is the hardest to get used to. But its just their nature( for most men not all) Its something that we need to accept about them if we love them enough. Right now your in this wishy washy stage in therapy. Your trying to see thru rose colored glasses what should be perfect in your marraige but what in reality probably isnt going to happen. I'm not trying to be mean. You just need to figure out what is most important to you . Having the stability and love of a husband or one that can't give that to you. Its hard figuring out these things. I know this. That is why I am trying to share with you what I went thru, so you can use this to help you figure things out for you. Things can get better. Hope this helps ya out. And please take care.