I am so frustrated right now that I feel like I will either burst into tears or explode. Neither of which would be satisfying enough.

So we ended up with 10 people at our house for dinner tonight. I didn't invite them -- my parents, who are visiting from out of town, did. My stepmother promised that she would do all of the work so I could finish my final exam for school and get ready to travel tomorrow morning, but of course she had a million questions where things were and then the guests started to arrive... and needless to say I didn't finish my stuff. She then sat and watched me do my homework, for some weird reason that normally wouldn't bother me, but I have had NO privacy in days. Then she watched me clean the cat litter box. Then she watched me do laundry. Finally she went to bed and now it's almost midnight, and I still have to pack for tomorrow. Which isn't easy to do, because we have piles and piles of clean laundry in the bedroom which needs to be put away. Some of the piles have been there for two weeks. Our "system" is supposed to be that I put half away and my husband puts the other half away. Only his half usually stays where it is until I get sick of not being able to find my clothes. So up until two minutes ago when I wanted to strangle him with his undershirt, I was putting laundry away so I could find enough clothes to take with me for the week.

I'm really affected by the comment from my classmate, and by the fact that my stepmom felt she had to vacuum my house and my parents shook their head at my garden because both were, according to them, "a mess". Mind you, my parents have ridiculously high standards when it comes to how a house and garden should look. I have a cleaning lady that comes once a week, and I'm pretty clean to begin with. Our garden is really incredible -- it does need a little cleaning and thinning, but overall, I'm really proud of it. I feel like I do the work of three people and yet I got criticized by my classmate and my parents for not doing enough. I am so hurt and angry right now. My parents also both lectured me that my husband doesn't do enough and it bothers them that I do all the work. They are right... I do way more of the housework than he does but the fact is that I don't know what I can do about it. I would love for him to help me more, but if I ask him, then he gets upset and starts defending the stuff he DID do, and says that his efforts are never good enough for me. Great. Thanks. And I feel even more pressured after my parents point it out, and I don't know if he purposely retreats when they are around or if I'm just more self-conscious about it, but it DOES seem like he does very little when they are there. He's understandably uncomfortable around them, but it's like he doesn't even try and then I get more defensive toward them and more resentful toward him.

I feel like I'm at my wit's end. I always get like this when I'm around my parents, but I thought that the Lexapro and therapy were helping enough to get me through this trip. In a few hours, I will be on a plane to San Francisco and when I get back they'll be gone, thank goodness. But then I feel guilty because my dad is 82 and his health is declining, so I feel like a bad daughter for not being able to get him out of my house fast enough.

Sorry for the brain dump. I needed to get it out but didn't know where else to go. I think I'll take an Ativan, even though I promised myself I would get through this without it.

Thanks for listening -- I can't access this site from where I'll be, so if you reply, I won't see it until Thursday.

Thanks again,
LMo