|
-Update-
Thank you for your kind words, everyone! Strongindividual63, I've started saying that I have bpd (my nickname for it, I shorten every word that can possibly be shortened) and that I am not bpd. I'm trying to look positively at the entire thing.
Everything has kind of changed since I first posted even though it's been, what, two weeks? I've started getting these vivid hallucinations that just take control of me and I start panicking. As they've continued I've been able to remain relatively calm so that if I'm around people, they just think that I'm in a bad mood and that I might have a weird physical injury.
Two days ago, even though I rationally knew it couldn't be happening as I was sitting in the car with my parents and brother (who all know now), I felt like class was being pushed out of my skin from my bone in my wrist and upper arm, just below the shoulder. I started crying silently in pain because it felt (and looked!) so real, and had difficulty keeping it together. When we finally got to our destination, I had my mother put a hoodie over my dress so that I couldn't see my torn skin or the pieces of glass or the blood that was seeping all over the car and my silk party dress. After two hours, and comforting from my parents' in private, it finally started going away, and now there's only a dull ache and these horrible scars on my arm, that my parents assure me aren't really there.
To top it off, my dad and I went to my pdoc and both decided she was the WRONG person for me. Long complicated story, but now I have a new therapist who's going to hook me up with a pdoc, but I don't have an appointment with him until a week from today (fortunately I'm going home on Thursday, so hopefully I can remain relatively calm until then).
My doctors have also decided that I can't go to Paris next year as I have planned and advised me to stay in the state to avoid hospitalization ... but part of me is wary of this, even though I agreed, because I'm worried I'll be put in one any way ...
Sorry about all of that. Cheers, JL
__________________
Neil Gaimon on David Tennant's Hamlet:
To be, or not to be, that is the question. Weeelll.... More of A question really. Not THE question. Because, well, I mean, there are billions and billions of questions out there, and well, when I say billions, I mean, when you add in the answers, not just the questions, weeelll, you're looking at numbers that are positively astronomical and... for that matter the other question is what you lot are doing on this planet in the first place, and er, did anyone try just pushing this little red button?"
|