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pinksoil said:
Just to set the record straight here...

I am not 'in love" with my T, lol. I am in love with my husband. I have loving feelings towards my T, as well as sexual transference, and tons of other feelings.

The way that you described my session is in your words, Happy-- not mine. You wrote, "He held your hands, looked into your eyes, and created a special email." You make it sound like a romance novel, lol.

Let's break it down:

He holds my hand when I feel ungrounded. It is his way of using physical contact to help ground me and to help with connection. I use physical contact with my clients, as well. Just like my T, I ask my clients first, to make sure they are comfortable. My T also explained how hand holding can be a type of physical contact without any sexual feeling attached to it. I can honestly say that when my T touches my hand, sexual feelings are not there. Caring, protective, connected feelings take over.

He looks into my eyes because... um, pretty much any therapist witih half a brain makes eye contact.

He created an email account for me to write to... because I asked him for what I needed (didn't manipulate him-- I'm such a good borderline!) T and I both know that I aside from being a therapist, I am a writer. It is a way for me to express myself in a way that, verbally, I cannot.

Also, for those of you who are about to call the board of ethics because my T touched my hand... he doesn't hug. When I expressed feelings of wanting to be held/hugged, he explained how feelings can get really confused if that were to happen.

As to answer your question, if I would touch a patient who expressed loving/sexual feelings for me-- well, what is "a patient?" There are 990823673 types of patients. When I was interning at the psych hospital, I often used physical contact with patients. One man was quite sexually preoccupied with me. He was also completely psychotic. We had a good relationship, and he asked for a hug. No, I did not give him a hug. I told him, "Let's shake hands instead." This was a person who literally had no idea what was appropriate, and what was not. If it was a patient who expressed feelings of love/sexuality, but who also had significant insight and awareness into the relationship and the boundaries, then yes, I would use physical contact. Again, the type of physical contact depends on the individual. Hugs are only appropriate in certain situations. Some people-- I would not even hold hands. Perhaps I will just touch their arm as they are leaving.

My previous professor (who I know go to for supervision as a therapist) is like Yalom in the way that she uses physical contact, in some way, with every client. She taught me that some individuals have not been touched by anyone in years. Some individuals have never been told that they look great on a particular day, or that they have a beautiful smile. I am not a stuffy/blank screen type of therapist. I never will be. I am definitely more open than my T-- I use certain amounts of self disclosure. You also have to cater to your population and know who you are working with-- understand the culture. I have a caseload of around 150 people. Probably about 145 of them are African American. A lot are much older than I am. I am a white chick, originally from the suburbs of Manhattan. It is absolutely laughable to think that I could connect with these individuals if I wasn't willing to reveal certain parts of myself, and be open to physical closeness and touch.

I will never forget when I was working in the ICU of the psych hospital and a patient who I had worked with, who was around my age, was being discharged. As I said goodbye to him, he asked for a hug. I gave him a hug. Most often, you can tell by the body language what is meant by the hug. I didn't sense anything sexual about it. Later on, I spoke with the psychiatrist about it to ask him if he thought that what I did was appropriate. The psychiatrist was shocked-- not because I had hugged the man, but because the man had come into the hospital so severely paranoid, that he wouldn't even come near anyone. Both the psychiatrist and my supervisor felt that the hug was an important part of his therapy.

So I just illustrate all this to show that there are countless connections, meanings, situations, etc. Nothing in therapy is one way; nothing is prescribed.

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You can be my T anyday Pinksoil... but if you grab my hands, your done!!
LOL jk