I want to Oxford with my friend Rosie. No parents.

She was dead excited, I wasn't. It wasn;t that I didn't want to go, it's just that I couldn't have cared either way.

Anyway, when we got there it was full of laughter - the sugar high kind. But I kept stopping abruptly, as though the laughter wasn't real. Like I was doing it to make her think I was having a good tim, which I was. I REALLY was. I mean, we were laughing at nothing, which gives you the excuse not to laugh at all. Anyway, that might have been my paranoia telling me the laughter wasn't real for me.

I didn't explain that too well.

Anyway, the day we came back the coaches made me grumpy and I couldn't wait to get away from Rosie. Every single little thing annoyed me - and barely any of it had anything to do with her. I suppose that was just because I didn't want her to see me so irritated because that isn't a part of me really. Anyway, I felt guilty.

And today it's like the trip never happened in that I've gone back to depression. Maybe I never really left it anyway, I just managed to hide it from myself on the Oxford trip because I was determined to have a good time.

And I'm waiting to hear from CAMHS.

Anyway, this was me just typing things because I felt the need to.