Hi again --

i hear you, Malachite, when question the conscious intent of the offender. I also feel that i am in an emotionally abusive relationship or that, at least, some (if not many) aspects of my relationship are emotionally abusive and I do feel/believe that it goes both ways between me and mine. I keep trying to be conscious about a lot of things on a lot of levels and also continue to set boundaries with this person because i do care about both of us and it does neither of us any favors to not voice the issues as we see them. and the pain of going through the "confrontation" again and again is a harsh reality for me.

my partner . . . conscious intent? does it have to be conscious to be intent? if i lash out in anger and strike somebody without thinking about it, it may have not been conscious (it may have been and could likely be reflexive from some mental, physical or emotional pain) i may not have intended consciously to hurt my beloved, but the intent was there. conscious or not.

i still have to voice the problem, express my feelings and depending on how much i value the relationship (and how much They value the relationship) we may or may not work things through. But i have to put it out there. I have to say to the person: you are hurting me by doing X.