I was anorexic 30 years ago. Then I switched to B/P. Then restricting again. Now I'm over eating. I weigh 2x what I should. I keep telling myself that anorexia is "so much better". It doesn't really even occur to me to think of eating healthy instead of any of those ways. I'm anxious today so I'm eating. Not B per se, but it feels bad just to eat. Any food feels like too much food. I want to stop eating or limit my diet to select foods that I know will "help" me to lose weight. Having an ED stinks. The only time I really feel good is when I weigh myself and I've lost weight. I hate being dependent on my weight for my mood.