I *think* I get what you're saying - that it's not the events themselves, but our perception of the events that creates our "symptoms".

However - I disagree, and after a childhood of "don't tell", it seems like I can't help getting angry when I hear other adults saying "it's really not that bad", "you're just CALLING it abuse", etc. I know what I experienced, and we could call it "Positive Parenting!!!!!!!!!!!!" and the effects that it has had on me would still be the same.

I am going to have to respectfully withdraw from posting any more on this thread.