I don't really know where to begin.

I was diagnosed with Double Depression about 8 years ago. I went through a variety of different Anti-Depressants over a 2-year period and nothing really helped - I was still trying to kill myself... At that time I also started psychotherapy. As of now I'm supposed to be fine: with the same meds for the past 5 years or so, with the same therapist (yeah, I know, it's a lot of therapy), and functioning, sort of.

The irony here is that I'm studying to be a clinical psychologist, and I volunteer at a mental help hotline. Anyway, I find it amusing to the point of crying. But that's not the point.

As I said, I'm considered to be well now, and I guess that's partially true. But I was wondering - is this all there is? Aren't life supposed to be about more than just routine?
So I'm not suicidal now, and that's an improvement, but somehow that's just not enough. Do you think I should change my meds? (I don't really want to make an appointment with my psychiatrist just to ask that because it's really expansive) Do you think I'm asking for too much in wanting to enjoy life and not just not-suffer? Is it even possible…?
Maybe I should state that I tried to stop taking the pills a few months ago. It turned out as a really bad idea; I was back to my old suicidal-depressed-crying-disgusting self in no time.

Sorry for dumping everything like that without even a proper introduction. Oh, and sorry for my English, it's a second language; I'm from a country in the middle of nowhere...

Thanks.