Well......its kinda normal - for a trauma survivor who never had therapy! It sounds like you are working out your trauma issues through your sexual behavior. But, you are "retraumatizing" yourself. That's not such a healthy thing, eh?

Your behavior isn't something that a therapist would think is wierd or gross or even unusal. It's the sort of stuff they talk about regularly. Although it might be difficult to get started, you might find it a relief to get some of this out in the open.

When you are ready, a therapist really could help you to get to a healthier place in life. They'd work at your own pace. You only talk about what you want, when you want. You only change your behavior when you want.

In the mean time, please be careful!!

Slippers