> I *think* I get what you're saying - that it's not the events themselves, but our perception of the events that creates our "symptoms".

No, that isn't what I'm saying either. If you lose your family and friends because of plague then I'm fairly sure that that is rather distressing. Whether or not we consider plague to be an act of 'abuse'. Similarly, if a person is hit or called names etc etc then they may well feel distressed by that and be harmed as a result of that.

> after a childhood of "don't tell"

It isn't about 'not telling' it is rather about *how* it gets told.

> I can't help getting angry when I hear other adults saying "it's really not that bad", "you're just CALLING it abuse", etc.

Sure - but that isn't at all what I'm saying.

Like I said... I don't think that these events are harmful *just* because of the social narratives this culture endorses... It might be that the benefits of prescribing and enforcing social change are worth some harms. I do think... That there are some harms that come from identifying with being a victim of 'abuse', however. And I do wonder a little about... Just how much of that is in our power *in the present* to alter.

There are different ways of dealing. I don't mean to upset your apple cart... I wish I could discuss this without people feeling upset... Maybe I'm simply not capable of conveying what I mean... Especially when it runs counter to current social norms and ideals and theories of what 'getting better' is all about...