At the moment I am not feeling pissed at my addiction. I look at people who are social drinkers and see them as using a drug to change how they feel. That means they must not be happy with themselves/life if they need to change it.

Of course, when I have urges to use, I slip into the anger phase. That is the time when I need to pay extra close attention to my recovery program. Don't just shrug this off and go to Berlin with it in the back of your mind--that is setting yourself up for disaster. Maybe you could hit a few extra meetings or work a step or something--anything to get rid of the anger and move on so you can truly enjoy your trip and stay sober. You are not going to have fun if this battle is going on inside of you.

I am not saying this to belittle you or anything like that--I am just sharing something I experienced that changed my view on life. When I was a kid, I went whining to my uncle about something. He said, "life isn't fair kid, get use to it." I keep that in my mind and I don't expect things to be fair--that's just life. I have to make the best out of whatever comes my way.