(roz)
hang on honey. there must be some things that you can think of which won't trigger the depression. please try to find a safe place inside of yourself if you can.
i used to listen to a classical music radio station all night hoping it would help me fall asleep. it ever did help that way but trying to do that kept my anxiety and depression manageable. nowadays i'd know enough about the situation to ask my doc for a seroquel and then suck it up. but i am not a pdoc after all.
best of luck dear,
pi