Hi Malachite, my mom was Narcissistic too. What I did was move on and help myself (I guess this would be a little different if you are married!). You cannot convince others of things most of the time and especially if they are Narcissistic! One thing that I realized on my journey is that I was blind to how I sucked up to Narcissistic people. It was like a darn magnet. I would sit and give to others to no end until I woke up one day and realized this. Now I do not neglect my needs. Sometimes you have to sacrifice for others that you are close to but anyone that I am close to now is a reciprocal relationship. My eyes are wide open to Narcissists now!

I guess you should talk to my dad! My dad is the most wonderful person in the whole world. I think that he married my mom because he had low self-esteem and was painfully shy so this self-absorbed woman was a perfect fit at the time. I have had conversations with him about this and he really does see her good points and I guess fell in love with them. She would never intentionally hurt anyone or anything. She does have a kind heart in there afterall.

One thing that I noticed with my mom is that she just didn't have a mental schema for me so she couldn't see me, understand me, remember anything about my attributes. She was really disconnected from reality and never took in any info. Any info that she did collect was biased by her warped view of reality. Interesting stuff..... She has improved over the years. I think what helped is that our family quit revolving around her. She was the mom and we were just kids and my dad just went along. I grew up, got better and started reacting to her differently, gently challenging her. I talked to my dad about what I discovered. I think that he might have changed how he dealt with her too. I also talked to my 2 older sisters. Maybe they changed how they interacted with her?

I have come to grips with my mother after I did my healing by realizing that she isn't Narcissistic by choice. Her family was really messed up too.

So what can you do? Learn how to meet your needs, work on your self-worth and personal boundaries so that you can say no and stand up for yourself. Empower yourself and learn that you can take control of your life. Learn to understand and work with your feelings. Be present all the time and understand what is going on with you at all times and in different environments. I am assuming that you will have the same issues as I had!

One benefit of staying with your wife while you heal yourself is that you can correct all of your issues if they are being triggered all the time by your wife. If you get in an environment where your issues go underground then how can you correct them? Also, if you leave her without correcting yourself you could possibly just choose the same type of person again if you don't understand why you chose her in the first place.