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internettie said:
All I want to do is go into this second appointment with my new T and tell her how bad I am. I have too many diagnoses. I think I'm a liar. I've done bad things. Once she gets to know me she won't like me. I'm boring. Blah, blah, blah. I hate pushing people away before they can even get close.

I also want to go in today and set all the ground rules so I can know whether I'm doing things right or not.

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Hi Internettie, do you think you might want to tell her how "bad" you are because the anticipation of it is hard (her not knowing these things and what her reaction will be if she finds out)?

About the ground rules, do you think that this would help you know how to behave? I remember trying to learn what was normal and what wasn't normal. Dysfunctional families aren't good at teaching this. The discomfort of the unknown is hard too until you heal and then it's okay.