Haven't been on pc in a while and I won't be from sunday for a couple of weeks,
I'm going to the south of france with my family (near st tropez) but I really really don't want to go and I haven't wanted to practically from the start.
If I mention it to anyone I just get "oh I'd love to go" and "why not, you'll have a great time" but I wont!! For one, my family is in a mess right now, especially my dad (there's problems that he'll never face)... but it's more the fact that I'll be miles and miles away from my boyfriend who's the only thing that's keeping me half sane at the moment 'cause I'm going through a difficult time. I've got no way of talking to him and it kills me that I'm not gonna be able to hear his voice or have a comforting cuddle
We've said we'll write to each other, but that's not enough.. I won't be able to tell him how I'm feeling and have him know that day and be able to give me some comforting words so I can try and cope. It'll just be all bottled up
I'm in floods of tears right now and I can't think straight. I know I shouldn't be 'depending' on my boyfriend so much.. and I'm really not I try my bloody hardest every single day to keep myself alive and going, I have a long list of stuff I can try and do to help myself when I'm depressed and I'm gonna take that with me. But I have noone and I'm only ever happy with him and I just can't face these two weeks without him he means everything to me

Staying at home is not an option though, so I'm stuck.. I'm stuck in yet another circle that I can't get out of
I just want to be happy, I've been getting bad chest pains lately and I'm scared of it, 'cause it gets worse when I'm very depressed... I don't want to be so far from home and get scared 'cause of my health.
I'm just at a loss what to do,
I just don't want to be here anymore, it's too hard
I'm so sorry I'm so emotional right now, , Molly