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seeker1950 said:
since this felt comfortable and familiar.
I now hate the fact that I had so little self-worth that I felt I didn't deserve a reciprocally loving relaitobnship.

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Hi Seeker, do you really think that you did all of this because you had little self-worth? I think that it has something to do with what we were molded to do. We did it unconsciously, because we were trained. Once we focused on it and became aware of what we were doing then we could make conscious changes. I really had no clue that I was doing it. I didn't get myself into intimate relationships with any Narcissists, however. I wouldn't realize when I would be in Narcissistic conversations in business relationships or at parties, etc. Now I sense right away when I am up against one and I move on quickly.