I have been here so much over the past year. Wanting support, but not wanting to be a pain in the ***. Wanting to see what it felt like to get support from someone, but not wanting to be needy, not sure if my T was the person I was supposed to get support from, how much support is too much, do they REALLY mean what they say,...... My mind totally plays theses tricks on me.
My T you either get the office manager or an answering service so...you can't just call and leave a message...I email instead. I was really uncomfortable doing this at first, but then after asking my T several times about if it was alright I finally accepted that she REALLY didn't mind. I now tend to email a few thoughts for her to hold for me until the next session.
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SpottedOwl said:
Not sure if I feel any better. If anything now I'm nervous about what T might think about the message. I like getting feedback, and just leaving a message seems so powerless...I have no idea what T is thinking because I'm not hearing his voice or seeing him react to what I say.
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My email option was working OK, until recently when I really had some issues and desperately wanted a reply and got none. I think the hardest part of asynchronous communication with a T is what our minds do when we have no idea what lay on the other side of the silence. And the longer the delay the greater the ensuing insanity.
Last week this insanity of wondering what my T was thinking & doing and trying to figure out on my own why I was getting the silent treatment caused me to quit therapy altogether.
On Monday I pulled myself together, fought back against the mental madness my mind created, and I used the phone to schedule an appointment. Going to that meeting was one of the hardest things I've done yet.. but everything worked itself out.
My recommendation is... if you want to leave your T a message and you've been told that it is OK... then DO IT! If you are worried about something you said or wrote, chances are it was something that was important to convey-exactly the way you conveyed it. Last week the one email I was embarrassed and worried about and most wanted to retract, was the one that was most important in moving our relationship forward.
SpottedOwl this helped me on Monday when I was trying to decide if I should make a last appointment. I sat down with my journal and I reviewed the writings that I made immediately following each therapy session. An cut and pasted the bits and pieces of evidence that clearly challenged my assumption that my T was malicious, punitive, or uncaring. Just going back 5 or six sessions, I had created a very long list of evidence discounting this claim. Doing this did not totally wipe out my worry but it did give me enough courage to risk making the call and going to the appointment. If you do this, maybe you will be able to find enough evidence to counter your worry, and give you a little peace of mind until your next session.