Thanks for all the responses; you gave me a lot to think about...

In a way it sucks that other people can relate to what I feel, but I guess it's also nice to know I'm not alone.

I suppose I have come a long way and I just lose sight of it. I'm actually far behind in my life compared to other people my age. It's like I'm two people existing simultaneously - the "normal" me, the one who studies and all that, and the depressed me, who's always there to spoil everything.

Last time I was at my doctor's office he told me about all the latest breakthroughs in the field. He thought it was encouraging to say that maybe in 10-20 years they'll find a cure for depression. All I could think about was those numbers, 10-20 years, and wonder how anyone can dream so far into the future.

Depression scares me to death. Usually you stop being afraid of something after you go through it and come out alive. In this case I just get more and more scared after each episode.

I'm just rambling now. Sorry.