It has almost been a year since Steve died. I don't remember the exact date which I am glad of. I don't want to remember the exact date I just remember it was early September. I just remember that it was shortly after school had started because I was worried that it was going to set the mood for how my semester was going be.

I still can't let myself let him go. I want to hold on to him because he meant so much to me. We worked so good together. Yes I like my current T but she's not Steve. Nor will she ever be. I shouldn't even compare her to Steve. I think about this year and all that I have done and think would he be proud? I think so. I think he would be disappointed that I didn't finish my internship though. I know he knew how important it was to me to get that diploma saying that I graduated but I didn't get it and I know he knows that it is killing me inside but I can't do anything about it because its too late. I can't afford to pay for the internship and the place that was paying for it says nope we ain't gonna do it. So it's placed into the someday box. Someday I will be well enough to go back to work so that I can afford to pay for the internship.

Why can't I let go of someone that I loved (not romantically) so much, that meant the world to me, that taught me so much, that showed me the lighter side of life, that would want me to let him go?

Jbug