Oh ((((((((((((((Anna))))))))))))))))

Boy, do I totally understand this thought process and decision. I've only gone through 3 different meds (one med twice though) since last October when I started ADs.

You're *painfully* aware of how you feel when you experience some withdrawal. You're like HUH? As if you don't realize the impact they have on your system. But if you get a clear moment after withdrawal is finished, you wind up either feeling more "normal" or more "crazy" because you're not used to your "normal" (non-medicated) self ... Sometimes I wonder if I'll forever be stuck on ADs because my mood swings (depression) can be brutal otherwise... but I don't even have a chemical imbalance, I'm situationally depressed. So then you're stuck imagining whats happening to your brain and how its forever being changed - for the better, or for the worse depending on your perspective. But if you're *on* the drugs, on a good day you feel real and "normal" but on another day... you feel like you're in a drugged-up stupor.

It's a hard decision to make.

Some people work out really well not on ADs. Even those with chemical imbalances, or another mental illness. They use just therapy, or who knows what... and they claim/seem happy and well adjusted. Some people are med-resistant, so even if they'd like to be on a med, none will work on them - so they're stuck essentially being miserable (although there are many other options available, like ECT or light therapy and don't forget regular therapy).

Some people are realllllllly happy on meds. Essentially they don't feel like they can live without them. Otherwise they'd be in a big rut or dealing with too much bad stuff. So they'd trade some side effects of meds for a little bit of peace of mind.

I'd still suggest talking to your doctor. You could decide to go off of your drugs for 3-4 months (or less if you can't deal) and see if you like it better without drugs in your system. But it takes a while for the drugs to entirely leave your system though... probably a full month would be a safe bet.

But if your current meds aren't working for you, definitely talk to your doctor about other med options, or other non-med options if there are any to help you out.

Hope that helps some.