(((((((((((((((((((((((( echoes ))))))))))))))))))))))
You're NOT a zero. Not at all.
I just sent my T an e-mail complaining about how I keep putting up the same walls over and over again with him - and we keep working to tear them down, and then at the slightest bump in the road, WHAM, up go the walls.
I really think it has to do with how we were treated in the past....and there is still some part of us that keeps saying "hey! are you really, REALLY sure you should trust this person?". I think it's probably something we have to experience over and over again as we unlearn whatever unhealthy things we've learned over the years.
Not to mention, T vacations are always traumatic. I see so many people on PC, myself included, who want to push T away before they leave for vacation. How can they abandon us if we abandon them FIRST?!
You're not a zero, Echoes. I'm sorry your session was so hard.