I despise myself...... I am so embarrassed and ashamed and mad at myself. I purged tonight. I had a really stressful day and didn't eat anything....then I tried to have a little bit of a healthy dinner, which led to 6 cookies and 5 pieces of chocolate, and I felt so sick and full and awful. I started freaking out about how many calories it was. I thought about purging and decided not to, but then on an impulse I just did it. I haven't purged since I was 16 years old..... I know how damaging it is and I've been determined not to until now. It scares me how easy it was to do and how much better I felt afterwards. I hate food, and I hate how eating a little always makes me want to eat more and more. I wish I could just never eat again....I wish I could just disappear off the face of the earth.

I'm sorry...I'm sure nobody wants to hear about this.....I don't even know why I am posting it.