hi..

I haven't been able to be on PC... have been pretty sick... and everything floods.. me.. with memories..

I am striving.. to reach some sort of stability within my "system"... and just cannot find it..

It is like the floodgates opened.. and now...there is no stopping it... therapy everyday... helps.. me.. to exist.. I would say...

4 of my major alters integrated... into one... and.. my system.. is getting ready to integrate... some more...

I guess.. all those years of therapy.. have done something...

I feel "odd"... and it is so so hard to do anything.... my my new integrated state..

I tried very hard to undo the integration... and it.. well didn't work...

and.. now... I am learning how to "cope"....with this new "self"...

I feel lonely.. without being on PC... but my T and my pdoc.. are trying so very hard to find a "stable" point..

Body memories.. are also happening to me.. uncontrolled... so.. memory flooding without trigger...and.. the body memories..

am exhausted...

Love... Peace... and Hope to all