Yeah so anyway. for a while now, I have had a kind of sad feeling. But i just cut again. and that feeling went.

Wow the phsyical pain is just such a relief to me and I know it shouldnt be.

Wow, just looking at the blood trickling down my arm now - like tears just makes me feel so good. It doesnt even hurt tbh. Why is it a relief ?

Why doesnt it hurt? How can I hurt so much mentally but not at all physically ?

Why do I HAVE to see blood when I cut now? And why am I not satisfied if I dont ?

So many questions I don't want to ask my mental health nurse. Because then he knows, and he'll probably make sure that mum knows. I don't even care if I get infected now, why ?

How can I speak to people on PC but not people like my mental health nurse about this?

Is it because you know how I feel ?

Because I know you do...

I love you all.

I really do.

Thanks.