((((((((((((((Monty))))))))))))) I'm so sorry things are so tough right now. I have been there and I know how hard it is not to give up sometimes. It often feels like a neverending situation but the truth is that there is hope. I think you've come a long way from a few years ago Monty. I know it's hard to see, but I think you have.
Please be gentle to yourself. You are doing the best you can. When husband says things or gets disgruntled, maybe just say, "I'm doing the best that I can." After that, walk away and let him deal with his reaction to that.
You are cared for here Monty. Please take care.