Hi Cafegrrl, I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now. Going to a new therapist is never easy.

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cafegrrrl said:
I'm NOT one to talk about stuff with anyone and it took me a LONG time to be able to tell my doc why i thought my meds weren't working. I had to write a list of reasons and give it to the doc to read so i wouldn't chicken out of telling him.

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Even though it took a long time, the point is that you were still able to do it. That right there is a big step. Writing the list is a great idea, it's not a matter of "chickening out," it's just a safety net so you can get the help you need. I do the list thing too, and it's really helpful and keeps me from putting on the "everything's ok" act.

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cafegrrrl said:
I couldn't talk to the shrink except to answer her questions. She asked if i find it easier to write than talk and because it is easier for me to write, she suggested my writing down what i want to achieve and etc by seeing her ...I decided that i'd start an art journal to write/show her whatever but now i can't even bring myself to do that. I can't bring myself to even write whatever it is i need to.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Maybe you can just start a personal journal, and not really focus on the specific question of what you want from seeing her, but just write about whatever you want. You can control what to show her and what not to show her.

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cafegrrrl said: I can't focus and have that whole why bother attitude. It's stupid and annoying and I can't get around it.
I can't just tell someone i don't know all this stuff. And, i'm afraid that if i do, I'll be locked up...either jail or mental place...I do know I that as the days go on, the more miserable and down i become. I don't know how to make it stop. I'm tired of being down and getting even lower and i'm especially tired of acting like my so called normal self. I'm tired of pretending everything's OK and I'm OK. I don't think i can keep up the act much longer. And what happens when that happens?
I don't want my mother knowing how bad it is for me. I don't want or need her concern and worrying and etc.

I just want this to stop and don't know what to do. Or what i can do...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> What if you just print that off and hand it to her?

I've been in a similar situation and talking definately not an easy thing to do. On the bright side, once you start talking it does get a little easier. Sometimes it takes longer to feel completely comfortable, but you'll get there. When I started seeing my current therapist, I told him it's easier if he asks questions than if I just talk about what's bothering me, so he started asking tons of questions and it got easier for me to talk. It's still uncomfortable, but managable. I know everyone's situation is different, but I hope you'll find something in here that is helpful. I hope things get better.