Some words in the previous posts struck me:

<font color="#000088">"I try not to talk about myself, because I have been told in the past that was the root of my problems with people.

I wonder why people have said that to you? It's funny because people told me the opposite. Some people told me if I don't talk at least a bit about myself people will think that I do not trust them, therefor, I come as if I am not trustable either." </font>

I teach communication at college level; yet I amalways challenged to make the connection, as pointed out.

Let's call "talking about myself" self-disclosure, because I think that will help clarify the difference between establish ing trust with another person and self-absorption.

Establishing a bond with another person has been compared with peeling away the layers of an onion. We reveal our sweet, inner center, that is so tender and subject to bruising, slowly. The whole process proceeds by turn-taking. I tell you a little about myself that doesn't show my vulnerabilities -- I like baseball, love pizza, hate sushi. You reveal a bit about yourself -- also like baseball, not too fond of pizza, love sushi.

Gradually, I risk a little more. I'm a bleeding-heart liberal. Can you accept that? If you are a fiscal conservative, and we hold our political convictions dearly, perhaps the friendship is not going to progress beyond this.

Little by little, we discover whether we have enough in common to continue down the path of friendship.

Some people over-disclose. I've had students, for example, who trust me with long stories about their dysfunctional family situations. I'm never sure just what to do. I empathize as a human being, but often these problems do not excuse them from meeting course deadlines and so forth. I am not qualified to counsel students and could, in fact, get in trouble for psychological counseling without a license. I've also heard a lot of stories about people, especially in work places, who do not want to hear so many intimate details about a coworker's personal life. It makes them uncomfortable.

My problems start at the beginning of a relationship: I have trouble getting out of my home, finding groups of like-minded people, sticking out my hand, and saying, "Hi, there, I'm Wants2Fly, glad to meet you. So what do you think about how that team is doing?" or whatever.

For all of us, navigating the waters of self-disclosure is tricky. We have to give back enough to earn trust, but not over disclose too much too soon so that the other person feels uncomfortable.

I wish it were as easy for me to practice people skills as it is for me to summarize the textbook teachings.