Dad died so long ago and I still can't bring myself to go to the doctor because he said that was weak and only weak bad boys went to the doctor and the time I disobeyed him when I was young I got hurt by the doctor probably served me right for going to the doctor

It's my fault dad died and he would say it was my fault mum died which probably means it was my fault when my little brother died everything is always my fault and I'm stuck here in pain with this &%$#ing infected screwed up eye I can barely see out of hearing my dad over and over in my head can't go to the doctor that's bad

Seeing my little brother dead why do I have to bloody see that why today why do I have to link that to doctors for no reason too as if it's not enough to relive everything else I see an unnamed little brother I had to &^*(ing name myself dying.

Can't do this not today not ever stupid ^%$*ing eye probably my fault it's all screwed and infected stupid pain that's my fault I' the one who injured myself and these flashbacks yeh my fault to I bet.

It would feel real good right now to punch the ^%&* out of a concrete wall not that I can I just need to do something I can't deal not at all not with blame and anger when I'm not allowed to be angry.