Dear Gary,

I know you don't believe it now, but it's not your fault. There are so many "if only I had", or "if only he had"s in our lives.

It may indeed, take some counseling to get through this and there is no shame in getting it.

A friend whom I'd known since I was very young did the same thing. I had started to stop and see her the day before. I went right by her house, but I decided I would do it another day soon.

The next day she drove by my house and waved at me. I was the last person to see her alive.

My guilt was so immense. If only I had visited the day before, if only I had visited more often, if only I'd have followed her home that day and visited, if only, if only...

I, too had dreams. I dreamt of her for years. She talked to me in the dreams and the next day thoughts of her washed over me.

I don't know if sharing this helps you, and if you need to talk, please pm me anytime.

You have my sincere condolances for your loss. At this time, please, please take extra care of yourself.

Jan