Went from okay this morning, to feeling awful, then managed to calm down and back to *&%$ again because you can only distract yourself from urges for so long.

Why bother resisting the urge? I look at these scars and marks and I just want to find my knife and slash them back open. Does it make me twisted that I want to watch myself bleed, I want these cuts to all be open. I can barely look in the mirror without going crazy with urges because I see the reflection of my face and the jagged scars on my neck.

Kate keeps saying go to hospital, go to hospital because of my &%!$ed up eye and because if it weren't for the fact I had her watching me I would have cut my body up. It's too easy to find loopholes when my friends watch me, like tonight and tomorrow.

It doesn't matter. People are so much better off without me. I should have died the last time but instead I'm still in pain, now my eye is disgusting for no reason, and I have to &^%(ing fight off all these urges again.

I need self-injury, I need drugs, I need alcohol, I need all that to cope. I'm a horrible awful person and a waste of everyone's time. I should have been killed a long time ago