I been in Therapy for 2-3 years in 91-94 and took a break but still did meds. I went to my Psy DR. last yr and asked for new Meds and he said you don't need new meds you need a Therapist. So I started in Sept last yr seeing a woman T. She usually see's kids(I am 38) but she also deals with special needs kids and my 4yr old son is autistic. Well it's been a yr and she thinks I am holding back on telling her deep childhood stuff. I have nothing to hide I was raised in a cult and have major trauma from that. Anyway's bottom line (I hate me!) I can't tell anyone why but I have this deep dark hate for myself. I tell her that and she say's there is tension between us and I am deeply afraid to tell her my deep secerets. I tell her I don't rember if I was sexually abused but it points to that. Anyways I had been feeling sucidal and she made me make a contract with her that I will be safe. Well then I skipped a week and she called and said she was concerned. I went in and asked her if she was gonna refer me and she said no. BUT ADULTS ARE NOT HER EXPERTISE AND SHE FEELS TENSION. I said if you do refer me I won't go to therapy anymore and she said "I was afraid of that" So I feel like she feels the need to keep me!!!! I feel like I am checking in with a probation officer every week! I just want to feel like she cares truly about me and I don't get that deep gut feeling. I am a must keep case to her. So now I realy won't be honest with her. So I just want to be done! Does anyone ever feel their T has no clue about real life? She went to Harvard! She has a sucessful husband her son is on the football team etc.. I came from the other side of the tracts which she has never crossed! I lost a baby in 06 he lived 2 hours and died and he was so cute lots of hair etc.. I was telling her this and she said that she was helping her parents move and found a photo alblum of her favorite dog that had died and she looked at the pictures and said wow he was so ulgy but had no clue because he was her dog and she loved him. Then she said even if your baby was ulgy you would still think he was cute and you would love him! I thought HOW CAN YOU COMPARE YOUR DOG TO MY BABY!!! I don't know I just am feeling rejected and that she doesn't want to work with me and feels like she has to. So on Wednesday I am going in to say I am done. I know all you people who have these great relationships with your T will say oh go tell her why etc.. I am not it is of no use. I am not gonna give her any power I am done.