(((((Babyg)))) ((((ktgirl))))
(((((earthmama)))) ((((Griffe))))
((((Mikkyhill))))

Thank you for your kind responses and the hugs..
Thearpy is frighting for me..I feel like I have to punish myself for emotions...my emotions are always very raw, there is so much that is wrong with me, I've had issues since I was very little, I've always been extremly parinod and anxious and dependent on things to just survive.
Always been too sad, always had to much built up anger...realsing it is frighting...
Sometimes I think that if I lost the depression, if I lost the anger, If I lost the control I have on my emotions I wouldn't be me anymore..I would be someone else and that is frighting.. who would I be if I wasn't me?? What would it be like to experience emotions right there in the moment..what does that feel like?? I haven't felt real in so long what does it feel like?? I'm scared out of my mind, but I know if I don't take this step now, when I have my family's mind on it and my friends attention on it and everyone here support I will never do it and who knows where that will lead me. I'm rambling nothing is making sense to me..I know tonight is going to be bad and I wanted to apologize ahead of time...
I'm also scared that if I go to thearpy that they will see how unstable I really am and that they would hospitalize me.......