THOUGHTS
***T should be able to and deserves to take a vacation and rest.
***He needs to "refresh" himself and take a break from all of his "difficult" patients (but why am I being punished for this, lol?)
***I adore my T and want him and his family to be happy and whole.
FEELINGS/EMOTIONS
***How can T leave me when he knows how much pain this causes me?
***Why can't T just send me one email with some words of wisdom to let me know that he knows I'm in pain and cares? (He could write it before he leaves and ask a colleage to send it mid-week? Do I have to think of everything, lol?)
***I'm sooo angry at him! I feel sooo lost without him. I feel empty. I feel bored. I feel like seeking excitement to cure these feelings or lack thereof.
***I totally miss him already. He's sailing the high seas and I'm not. Captain Kiya! I need you now! Take a cell phone to his ship and insist that he call me and leave me a message saying he cares, k? Thanks! --P.S. I need him to come home alive, lol.
***I hate being so attached. I hate depending on ONE person to make me feel safe. I hate that this person is NEVER going to feel the same about me as I do him.
***He says that my neediness is the problem, not that he can't be a father figure for me. If he was to take that place, I wouldn't be so desperately needy. I could rest knowing he is there and probably wouldn't bother him much. It's kind of paradoxical in nature. (This is MY story and I'm sticking to it.! I think we should all band together and pass this hypothesis off to our Ts as theory, lol).
***This week is totally going to be spent dealing with these %#@&#! emotions. This really sucks! %#@&#! this! I
<font color="#666666"> DREAD </font> this week!
***The difference between my thoughts and feelings makes me feel totally <font color="#666666">
UNGRATEFUL </font> since my T has done so much for me. How can I be angry at him???????????? I make no sense to me.
My thoughts are white, my emotions are black. So, to rephrase A Touch of Grey by the Grateful Dead,
Oh well, a touch of grey,
Kinda doesn't suit me anyway.
That's all I had to say,
but it's alright.
I don't know if I'll get by,
I don't know if I'll get by,
I hope to God I'll get by,
Will I survive?
Let's all try to help each other survive this! Thanks
