Thank you everyone, for hearing me and responding to me so caringly

I think it is the borderline splitting going on.
2 sessions ago I called the day before and asked her to watch a 3 minute Joni Mitchell video that I had been completely obsessed with. She has no computer in the room but there are computers available in another area.

She would not. She encourages her patients to talk about wanting to do something with her instead. Blah... and $*&^#%!! I could hardly focus on anything after she told me that. I refused to talk about wanting to watch it with her or about the video at all. Later in the session I told her very quietly that I was so mad at her that I could hardly think or talk.

So last session the anger was still there. It had smoldered and flared up all week and was still there intensely. I sat down, then moved as far away as I could although I thought it was because I wanted to try kicking my shoes off and putting my feet up on the couch. That lasted 10 seconds. I think I wanted to be away from her. And usually when she moves her chair closer if I sit there, as she did, it makes me feel good. But this time it felt intrusive. Eventually I told her I felt intimidated.

I think splitting was going on. Saying "No" to me, she had instantly become the Bad T and I haven't experienced this before. So she really was there in a way I couldn't recognize her and I didn't want her to connect with me because she was the Bad T, not the Good T.

MissC thank you for an interesting link. I found another one that is also interesting:

Borderline and splitting