All the stress related too this situation has taken a toll on my babies.... a lot. I feel awful all the time, because I know they are worried. It's not fair or right to have a three and four year old worry the way they have. My husband and I are getting along great, for the sake of the kids. But, I did disappear from home for four days attemtping to answer some desperatly needed questions, for myself. I ended up doing nothing more then drinking. Still, my answers are not there. My friends and kin don't even know what to say to me, other than....yes, you're doing the right thing by leaving your husband, but no, not for him (meaning my lover).

I'm with my babies now, and I can tell they missed me horribly. I cry thinking....what if they believed I was not going to ever come back? That can impact a person forever. Have I destroyed everybodies life along with my own?

Still, I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. I cannot eat because of my obsessive worrying. Not sure what to do other than sleep and get drunk.



I really need help desperatly......I'm alone.