(((((((((((((insecurity)))))))))))))))

Sometimes if one experiences abuse as a younger person, we associate it with something we deserve (even unconsciously) and proceed to replay such patterns later in life. It's like trying to de-value what happened before, by creating a worse situation at the present ... but something under our own control, and not that of an abuser. So then we take on the guilt of what happened before, and the guilt of the present (and what we're doing to ourselves) and we wind up feeling worse - because that's what we feel we deserve. I hope that makes sense. You're not alone.

Keep talking, we're all listening.