I appreciate you coming in this forum to support. Thank you.

I had to give up my job working with children, although I was very good with children because I am on their level, I couldn't cope with the adult-collegues that worked round me.

Any 'normal' person can feel joy and happiness that you describe in your post above, it's not something that 'I' can ever feel because of all that we have been through. I'm good at pretending to smile etc, but it's not actually an emotion that's felt.