Silver, I am glad that you told your mom that and that you told her that you wanted to go back to therapy. You are not a bad person for this. I hope that one day you can look at this for what it is: 1) you didn't learn the skills that you needed to process emotions, 2) you witnessed something very traumatic and since you have trouble with average emotions, this traumatic thing is very difficult for you to process. You can learn what you haven't yet and put all of this behind you and learn how to function at a much better level.