hi marcelodlanod,

How's it going? Have you been able to share about your condition with anyone else in real life? Have you been able to find out if your school has a counseling center? Could the school nurse possibly refer you to a free or reduced fee counseling center?

Based on your last note, your regular routine sounds really hard ...
and frustrating. My heart goes out to you and I hope that my words can be some encouragement. Forgive me if it seems I am pushing the counselor issue pretty hard. I just want what is best for you, and I believe that you could really benefit from someone caring who could sit with you, truly listen, and provide some guidance.

On the days you don't eat or drink, you say you feel the happiest. What is it about not eating that makes you feel that way? It sounds like it is more than just wanting to have an ultra thin body. On some level, you seem to have equated being thin with being valued, good, desireable, or happy.

I wonder, when else in your life have people made their acceptance of you conditional on something external? What would it be like to have someone (maybe yourself) accept you and love you unconditionally, regardless of your weight, your appearance or even your behavior? Is there someone in your life now that you can turn to for that kind of acceptance?

Can you imagine finding that kind of acceptance in a friend, family member or even a professional counselor? Would it be worth the risk of sharing about your condition, if the result might be that you could eventually feel loved and accepted by others and even yourself?

Do take good care of yourself and please be careful about malnutrition and dehydration.

-FT